Voices from the inside
by FairiesInOurHearts
Summary: A collection of kind of angsty drabbles, mostly about Jellal and Erza.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I didn't plan on posting anything yet but the new chapter was... Oh God, my heart. I know FT is ending soon, but... For _this _I was not ready.**

**Spoilers ahead, if you didn't read chapter 416 don't read this either.**

**This is actually going to be a collection of angsty drabbles...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail.**

Title: The End

Summary: All in the past.

Word count: 277

* * *

><p>It's obvious that she's afraid. She's trembling. And even though he doesn't know the exact reason, he can guess.<p>

He's seen her act like that before, in the Tower of Heaven.

She's probably questioning her strength, this world, the good and the bad, and she's remembering all of the horrors she's been through, all of the sacrifices, the lies, the darkness. Maybe, she's wondering does the light even exist. Can she believe in it, believe in others? It pains him to see her like that. But she will get over it.

"You'll be okay", he says, "Don't worry".

She's surprised, evidently, but he doesn't turn around. She stands up. He continues to walk.

"You know the weakness and strength of man well enough. So continue on, into the path of light. Just as you've done all along."

His expression, one she can't see, shows so many emotions. He's different. He's changed, for the better or worse. He has accepted his destiny. To walk the path of darkness, along with his _comrades, _in order to erase Zeref and make sure no one will suffer like him.

But also, he has accepted _this_.

When their pats intertwine, for _one last time_, he will disappear. He has to.

And she will be the one to erase him, with her light, more brilliant than ever. She will shine, oh so brightly, and he will disappear in the best way possible. Showered with light. _Her _light.

So this is the end. The memories, good and bad, don't matter anymore. It's all in the past to stay. And never return.

She will move on.

And he will finally receive the punishment he deserves.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Another drabble based on the 416th chapter. I swear that chapter broke me, I'm drowning in the feels (not in a good way!) and the next chapter better fix that!**

**On the other hand, maybe I'm just being too pessimistic as always and am reading too much into _the _moment. I hope so...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FT.**

Title: Acceptance

Summary: They can't fight fate.

Word count: 315

* * *

><p>It wasn't meant to be.<p>

It simply _wasn't meant to be._

No matter how much _she_ struggled, no matter how much _he_ struggled, they weren't meant for each other and, deep inside, they both knew that. She chose to ignore it. He unwillingly accepted it. But they can't run away anymore. The truth is catching up, and they can no longer turn their heads away. They have to face it with an open mind and an open heart.

Just give in.

Because, after all, they can't win. They're up against the universe.

Call them cursed, star crossed, it doesn't really matter. Do they have to have a name, anyway? Wouldn't giving them a name be… selfish? Maybe they don't want that, maybe they don't want to remember.

Who are they kidding?

They don't wantto _forget_.

Their love, as tainted, horrifying and sad it is, is still a big part of them, something to cherish, nurture till the end of their days. It may be tragic, but it's also beautiful and they know that nobody can have what they have. It will last until their last breath, even if only in a corner of their hearts. Yes, _in a corner_, because even though she loves him, loves him so, _so _much, she doesn't want to sacrifice her life and spend it mourning. She wants a family, a happy life. He has no right to take that away from her – he wouldn't dare.

He wants her to be happy.

Nothing more.

She deserves it.

And as they both resign to the sad ending of their story, they grow stronger. She will one day create a home filled with happiness, and he will fulfill his purpose in life. Some day, they might meet again.

They'll greet each other like old friends.

And, just a little, their hearts will sting.

They couldn't have what they should have had.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I was re-reading Fairy Tail, and then... Yup, this happened. This one's a bit longer than the previous two. I hope you... _enjoy_? I need to stop putting my favorite characters (and myself) through pain and suffering...**

Title: In and out

Summary: His mind is slipping away.

Word count: 397

* * *

><p>Eight years.<p>

It's been eight years since he saw her.

She didn't see _him_, though. No, what she sees is merely a thought projection, an illusion, not the real him (_sometimes_ _he wonders, though, who the _real_ him is_). She charged at him straight away. Foolish woman, attacking one of the councilmen. She has become quite reckless, he muses. And then he thinks, maybe this meeting is fate. Maybe _his God _sent her to him to make things more interesting. Oh, if that's so, he doesn't mind at all. The game had been quite boring, anyway.

(_And maybe she was sent to finally free him_- but oh, what is he thinking? There is no one she needs to free him from.)

…

Truly, she truly is reckless, he thinks while a smile too fond for his own tastes forms on his face. But that guild of hers must have rubbed off of her. They are not only hot-headed, though. How strong has _she _become during these eight years?

He will find out soon.

(_He hopes she's strong enough to destroy him_- no, he doesn't! What is wrong with him?)

…

She's here and she's come to fight him. Just as planned. But he knows she can't kill him. The foolish girl is still trapped in the past, still trapped in the feelings. The one she knows is long gone, though, and he won't ever return again (_but he's trying and trying and_- stop!). She attacked him, and for a moment he was surprised at how strong she was – is that the same girl he once knew?! (_It's not_ – the voice tells him – _but neither are you_).

_(You've become despicable.)_

…

His pawn _(friend) _is dead. Killed by him personally, though that guy was not who he had originally aimed for _(she's alive!)_. Useless sacrifice, for they will all be dead soon. _She_ will be sacrificed. He will finally achieve his true freedom.

_(His freedom is forever lost from his reach.)_

…

He is beaten. They had won. How is this possible?! How could he lose?! How, when the greatest of all had been with him this whole time?! No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! He refuses to believe this! It's not real! It can't be!

_(It's finally over. She's finally free.)_

Doesn't matter, though. They will all be dead. Him included but that's fine. He'll take them down along with him.

He moves his head and sees her fuse with the crystal.

… _Such a fool…_

…

It's painful, it's burning and it's tearing him inside out, but it's okay. It's the price he will pay. For all he has done, he believes, he will be punished and this is not the end of his torment. However, she is safe, and that's the greatest reward he had received.

She's alive. She will get through this.

_(And at last, he is himself, he can think clearly.)_

_(And maybe _that_ is_ _some sort of freedom, isn't it?)_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Uh, I kind of had a bad day and this just came out and well... I'm not sure what the hell is this. I was sad and I was angry at the same time, and as a result of me wanting to vent out, this was created. It's not made to judge people who mock Juvia, just to make them think a bit. Juvia is a fictional character - but what about the real people? There are so many people out there that judge by appearance or rumors, and that is not good at all. We need to stop doing that.**

**Anyway, enough of my ranting. This drabble is about Juvia, unlike the previous three, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it could refer to some others, too. _Anyway. I should stop now._**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FT.**

Tittle: Little girl

Summary: You don't know her.

Word count: 372

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><p>Hey, do you know about her? The girl with the bouncy blue hair and sparkly blue eyes? Have you ever seen her?<p>

Oh, you have? You say that's the overly bubbly girl who's always desperately clinging to that poor raven haired guy. You say she's the creepy girl that could _kill _you with her eyes only if you looked at _her precious_ _man_ longer than three seconds. You _claim _that she is _insane _and has a few (more like many) loose screws in her head and you don't want her near you…

Ah, as I thought. You really don't know her at all. "What do you mean?", you ask. But the answer is so simple. _You never saw her_. You never saw _the real _her. You never understood what she went through, and not once did you try to help her. You never bothered to look beyond the surface, look inside her heart. If you did, you'd see it. The pain. The uncertainty. All those questions that never seemed to leave her, or let go of her.

"Is she needed?"

"Do they want her?"

"What if they hate her?"

The lies, the masks, you never saw through them. You judged her without giving her a chance. You _evaluated _her, as if she were some sort of a thing. As if she couldn't feel. Well, she can, and she feels more strongly than many others you may know.

She's afraid, so every little bad thing you say hurts her, but in order not to let you see it, she puts on masks. She pretends. That's her way of fighting. Because she believes she is weak, she thinks that hiding is her only way of protecting herself, the only way she can fight for herself. She never lets anyone know of the storms inside her heart or the turmoil in her head, because she is scared everyone will leave her.

She is not alone, no. But she feels lonely. _So, so lonely._

So, then, let me ask you again: _do _you know her?

_The little girl with the perfect smile_

_The little girl always acting so wild_

_The little girl that doesn't know what to do_

_The little girl that is hiding the truth_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This time, the story is focused on Jellal, though there are some hints of Jerza here and there... And to be honest, I find Jellal easier to write than Erza... I don't know why...**

**Near the end, I kind of wanted those few sentences to have a double meaning, not sure if I succeeded...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

Title: Broken soul

Summary: In his mind, chaos rules.

Word count: 474

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><p>It's resurfacing once again.<p>

The pity he feels for himself.

And he frowns, because he doesn't deserve any kind of pity, and he certainly doesn't deserve to pity himself.

He's just not worth it.

Because of all of the unforgivable things he's done, and all of the desperate attempts to amend himself, to show the world that he is _not _just a cursed, unnecessary existence, he denies himself of feeling anything else other than the need to devote himself to the goal of _lessening _the amount of evil in this world. The evil can't be erased, no. Only innocent people believe in that and he's far too tainted to be allowed to think of anything like that. It's simple. He's lost the right to feel the innocence long ago.

And he's not even sure why is he letting himself wallow in his self-pity now of all times. He could have done it yesterday. He could do it tomorrow. He _should have done_ _it _the minute he heard that horrible news of his light getting swallowed up by the ocean, most probably never to return.

But he does it now, and tries to justify his feelings by telling himself that he's only human, that it can't be helped.

And then he laughs at his own face because _humanity _is another thing he has lost long ago.

Then he looks up at the sky. He looks up at the heavens that seem to be mocking him. So beautiful. Part of him, but he will never be a part of them. A paradise. One, he will never know of (as if he ever knew of _any_ paradise in his dark, bleak, somber life).

To what does he even amount? Just what does he mean to this warped world? He's not a saint. A sinner, probably. Not the demon itself. Never an angel. Maybe something in between?

The chill he feels creeping up his spine abruptly awakes him from his labyrinthine thoughts, and he welcomes the awareness, almost as much as he craves the slumber. He shoves the delirium away, begging it to leave him alone for a while. Because it _will _return. So he can only hope it'll come much later. That's all he asks for.

But maybe one day, it will disappear completely. Maybe some day, it will be gone entirely.

…No. Not maybe. _Surely._ And when that happens, he will either be gifted with the eternal sleep he is longing for, or he will find his undeserving self in the arms of the embodiment of the goodness, of the light, of all things sacred (he reminds himself he's not allowed to feel this, to feel _hope_).

He turns away. Back to the darkness. Back to the light. Back to the hopelessness. Back to the faith.

His back to the universe.

And universe's back to him.

* * *

><p>AN: Back as in _return to someone/thing _and back as in _turn your back on someone/thing_. Just so it's more or less clear...


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: It's Gray and Juvia this time! Well, it's only Gray, but... This _little_ drabble was born after listening to a certain song which awoke all kinds of angsty feelings inside of me, and I just had to get them out.**

**P.S.: Sorry for the lame title...**

Title: You're gone

Summary: ...and I'm too late.

Word count: 645

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><p>There was no more time.<p>

She was leaving.

And it was his fault.

Looking at the empty closet and drawers that were once full of her things, Gray finally realized what was happening. He didn't believe her when she first said that she was leaving, but the emptiness of the apartment was more than enough evidence that she was not lying. She was really gone. And he couldn't blame her.

When they first met, she was a girl who was disappointed at the world, a girl whose hopes and dreams were all crushed. But he had changed her – that was what she had always said. From the beginning, she never hid her feelings for him, but he always tried very hard to ignore them. He accepted her as a friend, but made it clear that he felt nothing more than that towards her. She always answered to that with one of her beautiful, but sad smiles, and said that she knows. But as time passed by, Gray became more and more attached to this incredible blue haired storm that appeared one day and changed his life completely. So, one day, he took her out on a "friendly outing" and asked her to be his girlfriend.

He will never forget the overjoyed look on her face.

But ignorant as he was, he never paid attention to the world around him. To him, emotions were too troublesome to deal with, so he often, without even realizing, hurt the girl that slowly turned into someone that meant the world to him.

He realized that too late.

And now she was gone.

On all those nights she cried herself to sleep, he should have said something. Every time a look of hurt crossed her beautiful face after he said some words he didn't mean, he should have apologized. For all the missed dates, anniversaries, Gray should have made it up somehow, but he didn't. Now, he was paying the price.

She had loved him so much. He always took that for granted.

There was no one left to greet him in the morning with a soft peck on the lips, or a radiant smile on her face. There was no one to spend the lazy days, relaxing on the couch with him, nor was there anyone to scold him when he unconsciously shed another layer of his clothing.

No one was there to accept all of his bad sides, all of his faults, and turn them into something good, something useful.

It was too much, Gray couldn't take it anymore. He collapsed onto the cold floor beneath him and stared off into nothing in particular. His eyes stung, but no tears left them. His throat clenched, and he couldn't breathe. His heart felt like a heavy lead in his chest and he cursed the damned thing for not doing anything, for not realizing that he was losing her. He felt empty. And he wanted to see her.

He wanted this all to be a dream, a bad nightmare he would wake up from in her soothing arms, telling him that everything was alright. But he knew that was impossible, so he at least wanted to talk to her one last time. He needed to ask her… whether she could be the same old her again. The one that loved him more than anything. He wanted to ask her whether she would want to return to him, if he changed, if he showed his affection more often, if he allowed himself to look at her the way she deserved it – as if she were his sunshine, his world, his everything.

But he knew that all of those questions would die on his lips before he managed to voice them out. That always happened. Besides, it wouldn't make any difference.

There was no more time.

And she was not his anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm pissed. _Very _pissed. I mean, really?!**

**Spoilers ahead.**

**The whole Gray thing is driving me insane - it's obvious he either went Silver or pulled a Sasuke, but that's not important. _Juvia_. Spent _half a year_. _Waiting for Gray in the rain_. Did she not do anything else?! No training or something? Way to take away her development. It's. Not. Fair. And damn, I love Gray, I really do, but he is ANNOYING me right now. Uuuugh, I hope they explain his situation soon, and Juvia doesn't stay depressed for long.**

**This is in different form than the other stuff I wrote, and it's very short.**

**And yeah, I made Juvia mad in the end.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FT.**

Tittle: Falling back

Summary: Falling away.

Word count: 155

P.S.: Sorry for the rant.

* * *

><p>Tired. So, so tired.<p>

Why won't he return?

She's still waiting.

In the rain.

Cold, cold rain.

Seems it's back.

…

Why?

Why did he leave?

What happened?

Did she say something, do something wrong?

Why?

…Why?

…

How much longer?

She's still waiting.

Won't he come back?

The rain isn't stopping.

The rain is still falling.

It won't stop.

No, it won't stop.

How much longer?

…

She's desperate.

Alone, and lonely, and desperate.

Where is he?

It's been so long…

…

Maybe she should just give up.

…

Weak.

She's stupid, and pathetic, and weak.

She knows.

But she still hopes he'll return.

…

No more.

She's not waiting.

They're here.

They'll help her.

They'll find him.

She believes in that.

…

But she's still tired.

Of always waiting.

Of always fearing.

She can't do that anymore.

She's done with it.

…

She'll find him.

…

_But he wasn't the one after all._


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This I wrote a long time ago, and I figured I might as well post it now, together with the previous one.**

**This one isn't spoilerish. And it's about Jellal and Erza. And it's in Jellal's P.O.V. - first and probably last time I'm writing in first face.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

Title: Regret

Summary: Some things can never be erased...

Word count: 192

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><p>I'm sorry.<p>

I really am.

It can never be undone…

What I did…

…

In another life…

We could have…

In another life, I could have loved you freely.

In another life, I could have held you freely.

In another life, you… could have been mine.

In another life…

…

I'm sorry…

It's all my fault.

I was week.

Forgive me _(not)_.

I…

If only I… If only I never… If only I were stronger…

And now you're suffering.

Because of me.

If only I could wipe those tears away.

If only I could kiss you.

…

You deserve happiness.

So please, be happy…

…for me…

…because I can never be _(without you)_.

I need you.

I can't have you.

You deserve better.

_(I never wanted to lose you.)_

Don't forget.

The pain I've caused you.

_(I never meant to hurt you…)_

The anger you've felt.

…

The hatred you've never…held for me.

Awake it.

Erase me.

…Destroy my heart…

I beg you…

Despise me.

Loathe me.

Detest me.

That way…

I can finally…

…Let you go.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

…

I love you.

…

_(Don't ever forgive me.)_


End file.
